Adventurers and Adversaries: Hellmouth Edition
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Willow gets Xander an RPG game for his birthday, but nothing is ever normal when the Hellmouth is involved.
1. Chapter 1

**Adventurers and Adversaries: Hellmouth Edition**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS, TSR, or any real intellectual property of note. This is just a fanfic, relax and enjoy the ride.**

**Typist notes: In which we begin yet another new story for your viewing pleasure. (dogbertcarroll is incapable of finishing one if you haven't noticed yet). **

**Chapter One**

Willow tried to think of what to get Xander for his birthday. She had a ton of ideas, but unfortunately Xander's pride would prevent him from accepting anything too expensive and what she'd like to give him…

Willow blushed heavily and tried to force her thoughts back onto things she wouldn't need to tie Xander down to keep him from fleeing in a panic when offered.

Willow's eyes glazed over as she thought about tying Xander down and her hand crept toward her waistband, when a tapping at the window scared the hell out of her and made her jump to her feet.

"Let me in!" Buffy called from outside Willow's window.

Willow rushed over and quickly opened the window.

"Was I interrupting some deep thoughts? Should I come back in half an hour?" Buffy asked.

"No, I was just thinking about Xander," Willow said.

"Then I probably should come back in half an hour," Buffy teased playfully.

"BUFFY!" Willow blushed bright red. "It wasn't like that, I was just trying to think of what to give him for her birthday and then I thought about what I'd LIKE to give him, but he'd probably panic and run. So then I thought about tying him down..." Willow's voice trailed off.

"That is so totally like that," Buffy argued. "Hell, after hearing that thought I wouldn't mind a little time to… reflect," she teased.

Willow collapsed onto her bed. "I just wish he liked me as much as he liked you."

Buffy shook her head, recalling Xander's threat to kill her if Willow was hurt because of her stupidity. "He risks his life to save mine, but he'd cut his own throat to save yours."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I'm just safer to lust after, because if we dated and it all fell apart it's no big loss, but losing you would kill him."

"Take me to bed or lose me forever!" Willow said suddenly, pretending she was talking to Xander.

"Okay," Buffy said, "but I have to warn you it's my first time."

Willow sputtered as Buffy snickered. "You are in a good mood, things go well with Angel?" she asked, once they'd recovered.

"They went wonderfully, thank you," Buffy beamed, "but we aren't here to talk about my love life, which is certainly looking up, we're here to solve your love life problems."

"Actually, at the moment I'm trying to think of a gift for Xander that he'll accept."

"Accept?" Buffy asked, obviously confused at Willow's frustration.

"Xander's family isn't exactly poor, but they're not well off either, so Xander can be a little touchy when it comes to expensive gifts," Willow explained.

"I know this one!" Buffy exclaimed. "I didn't solve the problem, but one of the girls I was in cheerleading with did. See, she was dating a football player that was really talented, but came from the wrong side of the tracks so she'd go to a pawn shop, since they sell expensive things cheap and they usually had just enough wear to show they weren't new. It totally sidestepped the cost question and let her get him nice things with no complaints."

"That's brilliant!"

"Yep," Buffy agreed while climbing back out the window. "So tomorrow we hit the stores, but for now go back to thinking about Xander while I go back home and think of Angel."

Willow grinned. "I think I'll take you up on that, but wait, why did you come by?"

"I wanted to share my good mood and brag about my date, both of which I've done now. See you in school!"

Buffy flipped from the roof to the ground as Willow closed the window.

A block later she paused and glanced back a bit curiously at Willow's window. Giving into temptation she leapt up and grabbed the branch of an oak overhanging the sidewalk and used her much vaunted Slayer abilities to imitate a squirrel as she scurried up the tree high enough to peek in Willow's window.

Buffy hopped back down a few seconds later smirking, apparently a tied down Xander was a very inspiring thought.

"Hey Buffster," Xander greeted her less than a minute later as she continued home.

"Hey Xand, why are you out so late?"

"Thought I'd peek in on Willow and try to convince her not to break the bank on my present this year."

"I doubt she's that bad," Buffy said rolling her eyes.

"I'm serious," Xander said, "last year she spent over 200 dollars getting me a dress outfit. Willow's my friend, but we both know how insecure she is and she seems to think she needs to buy me expensive gifts when really her being my friend is the best gift I've ever gotten and the only one I really need."

"Well we found a way to fix that already," Buffy said, "pawnshops allow us to get expensive things cheap so both sides are happy."

"That… works," Xander admitted after a second of thought.

"Yep, we won't spend a lot of money, but we'll still get you something that would cost a lot if new," Buffy said smugly. "It'll take a bit of looking to find the right shop, but for girls that's half the fun."

"Willow's not a girl, she's Willow," Xander said with a grin. "So try not to drive her too crazy, dragging her to all the shops."

Buffy had been planning on telling Xander that Willow had already gone to bed, but his comment made her think of how to correct his little misconception. "Well, have fun at Willow's, but be sure to wave and get her attention instead of knocking. I tapped on the glass and almost made her spill her juice."

"Will do, later Buff," Xander called, continuing down the block.

0oOo0

"Hmmm," Willow said, examining a leather jacket.

"Bad memories," Buffy said, "hyena."

"I'd forgotten about that," Willow replied. "I usually think of it as the anti-Xander, because it was the exact opposite of Xander in all that mattered. Do you think if he'd been possessed by a wolf we'd have noticed the difference so soon?"

"No, probably not," Buffy said after a moment of thought, "well, at least not until something threatened you and he ripped off its arm and beat it to death with it, that'd be kind of a giveaway."

Willow picked up a box and blew the dust off it. "Wow, this is one seriously old board game."

"Does Xander collect old board games?" Buffy asked curiously.

"No, but he loves roleplaying games, especially old ones and ones he hasn't seen before and this looks like all three," Willow said with a grin.

"Roleplaying games?" Buffy asked, "Like when you play the innocent housewife and he plays the horny burglar?"

"Ummm, no," Willow said, an image of Xander wearing just a tiny burglar mask while she was dressed in only an apron popping into her head with both of them stopping and rolling dice every couple of minutes.

"Then what kind of roleplaying games are we talking about here?"

"Ones with dice and character sheets where you fight dragons and orcs and loot their corpses. Don't tell me you've never heard of Dungeons and Dragons?"

"Oh, yeah I've heard about it. As a cheerleader it was social death to play, but as a Slayer I can probably get away with playing a couple of hands. How about we play the game at Xander's birthday party, since he's into that sort of thing?"

"Sounds like fun," Willow agreed. "Now I need to find something he'll actually wear."

"Like what?"

"A necklace or a ring, maybe a hat," Willow said absently. "I always get him something to wear, it's tradition. It doesn't have to be a serious gift, it can be completely silly as long as it's wearable. I once got him a rainbow afro wig and told him I scalped a clown to make it for him. He wore it all weekend."

Buffy laughed. "I say we get him a serious Indiana Jones type hat with matching bullwhip."

Willow grinned. "He'll love it."

0oOo0

"Okay, everyone get down he's coming this way!" Buffy ordered.

"I'm not sure jumping out and yelling surprise right here is a good idea," Giles said dryly.

"It's a bright and cheerful Saturday afternoon, not the middle of the night!" Buffy countered.

"Fair point," Giles admitted, ducking behind the counter just before Xander opened the library door.

"Hello everyone hiding, I already know a big surprise party is planned and normally I pretend to be surprised, but I'm not so sure the whole jumping and yelling bit should be done at these exact coordinates, if you catch my drift."

"But I wanted to yell surprise!" Buffy whined.

Xander chuckled. "I think Sunnydale provides enough things jumping out and scaring us don't you?" he countered.

"But it's never me doing it," Buffy complained, giving him the puppy dog eye treatment.

"Fine, tonight while we prowl around we'll jump out and yell surprise at all the vamps," Xander said.

"We can wear our party hats and blow noisemakers," Willow said, getting into the swing of things.

"Imagine the looks on their faces," Xander said with an evil grin that Buffy mirrored.

"Happy Birthday Xander," Giles said abruptly. "I wish I could stay, but I have the sudden urge to beat my head against a wall, so I believe I shall call it a day."

"If you leave, I'm going to make your character a warhorse instead of a PC!" Willow warned him.

"I think I'll chance it," Giles said. "Xander, I'll give you my gift when the girls aren't around. I learned quite a few things that I really wish I'd known when I was your age, but the stories are more than a little embarrassing."

"Thanks Giles," Xander said warmly, recognizing what Giles was actually offering; the wisdom and advice he'd normally get from an older brother, "I really appreciate that."

"I'm privileged to be the one to do so," Giles said, "enjoy your party."

"Okay, what are we playing?" Xander asked as soon as Giles had left.

"Birthday wish and presents first mister!" Willow ordered firmly, disappearing into Giles' office and returning with a chocolate cake with a single candle on it a moment later.

It was a small pink and blue candle that was half used up already but Xander's face lit up when he saw it.

Willow had barely gotten it lit before Xander had leaned forward and blown it, and the match she was holding, out.

Willow pulled the candle out and sucked the frosting off the base before returning it to an old taped up box that held two untouched candles like she was performing a sacred ritual.

Buffy didn't ask what that was about, recognizing that it was a private moment and briefly wondered if anyone else had ever seen it except for the seldom mentioned Jesse.

"So, what did you wish for?" Willow asked, sounding a lot younger than she actually was.

"I wished that something really bad would happen to you," Xander replied cheerfully the same way.

"You wished something bad would happen to me?" Willow squeaked in mock horror.

"Yep, and now I told you what my wish was, so it can't come true," Xander declared smugly and Buffy had to blink dust out of her eyes but for an instant she could swear that for an instant her two friends looked like they belonged in junior high.

"Presents!" Willow exulted, handing Xander a pair of packages.

Xander peeled the wrapping paper off the first package, revealing the game. "Whoa!"

"Got it for a song," Willow said smugly.

"Cool, thanks Will!" Xander beamed at her.

"Now open the other one!" Willow ordered excitedly, bouncing a bit.

Xander opened the other present and pulled out the hat. If he didn't know better he'd have sworn it was a prop from Indiana Jones. The bullwhip that came with it was a surprise, but it made him laugh.

"So do you like it?" Willow asked.

"I love it," Xander replied, putting on the hat.

Willow beamed. "And now, on to the game!"

Xander opened the box and unfolded the large felt play mat, before taking out several books and a handful of metal pieces, that he quickly separated into two piles.

"Looks like your typical D&D setup," Willow said while reading through the player's manual, "except they have a lot more races and the merit and disability system covers nearly everything."

"Really?" Xander asked curiously as Willow passed him the book.

Buffy listened as Xander read off professions and classes, absently building small metal buildings out of one of the piles.

"Okay, everyone decide what you want to be and then we'll hunt down a game master," Xander said.

"Already called Jonathan, he'll be here shortly," Willow said.

"Game master?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Remember the short guy in a cage in Ms. French's basement? He's a damn good GM. The GM or game master is the one who decides when things happen in the game. A good GM can make or break a game."

"Minotaur fighter?" Willow asked, looking over Xander's character.

"A bit simple compared to an Alu-fiend Assassin." He grinned.

"Well I'm making some changes!" Willow announced, snatching up Xander's character sheet while he grabbed hers.

"What are you two doing?" Buffy asked plaintively.

"To avoid playing the same old boring characters all the time, if one of us tries to play the same character again, the other is allowed to make changes," Willow said.

"Were-bull?" Xander asked peeking at his sheet.

"Yeah, everyone will assume from your hybrid form that you're just a Minotaur and won't use silver weapons on you."

"Cool. Druid?"

"You don't usually play spellcasters," Willow explained, "and a druid covers ranger and spellcaster pretty well."

"True and since I'm a were I still have decent hit points and can still do serious damage in melee."

"Yep, thought you'd like it. Now, what crime against nature have you subjected my character to?"

"Rather than the infernal assassin you were expecting, you are celestial, based off an anime I once saw. The cost was insanely high, so you're bound with a fairytale ending."

"Fairytale ending?" Buffy asked.

"It means the only way to break the curse matches whatever fairytale the GM decides; true love's kiss, defeat the evil witch, kill the wolf etc," Willow explained.

"Yep, and to counteract the whole hide in shadows and never get noticed vibe I made you a bard."

Willow groaned. "Bards suck! They can do a little of everything but nothing very well."

Xander laughed. "No playing a munchkin for you this time."

"Like in the wizard of Oz?" Buffy asked.

"More like Napoleon," Xander grinned as he explained, "the smallest people seem to feel the need to kick the most ass, so they abuse the rules to make characters that are unstoppable."

"Then they should change the rules so I can't use them that way!" Willow declared with a smirk.

"For your profession in addition to class, I name thee spell researcher."

"Not bad," Willow said thoughtfully, "I can work with that. In that case, I name thee archaeologist."

Xander grinned. "Something typically done in the wilds and should help with the dungeon delving."

"Good, now someone help me!" Buffy ordered, tired of bouncing her view between her two friends, as they finished the changes to each others character sheets.

"Fighter," Xander suggested, grabbing Buffy's character sheet, "it is her first time."

"Cleric," Willow replied, "we need a healer and it's a good starting character."

"What's a cleric?" Buffy asked.

"Holy warrior," Xander replied, "not quite as good as a fighter in combat, but can heal people and make undead flee in terror." He quickly filled in the basics on her character sheet.

"I like it," Buffy said agreeably.

"Race?" Willow asked.

"Human," Xander replied, "gives her a wider range of gods to call on even if she isn't particularly favored by any."

"Works," Willow agreed, "profession in addition to class?"

"Illusionist," Xander grinned evilly as he wrote the details before passing the sheet to Willow.

"Dual class?" Willow asked.

"Nope, illusionist like a stage magician, think Harry Houdini," Xander said, while Willow was filling out the sheet.

"Faking magic with skill in a world of myth," Buffy said with a grin. "I like it!"

"Hey, they have figurines that fit our characters," Buffy said, not noticing the way Xander and Willow's eyes widened.

She set the three figurines on the felt and the world dissolved into light.

0oOo0

"We're naked," Buffy said, ignoring the silver bracelets Willow had on, as they in no way constituted clothing. Buffy was happy to note that not only was she taller with bigger breasts, but that she was a natural blonde now as well.

"Buying equipment is the last thing you do," Xander said, his voice sounding a lot deeper coming from a towering cross between a man and a bull.

Buffy had to force her eyes away from Xander's crotch and buried idle thoughts on whether it was that big because of race or if Willow had added it as a foot note to his character sheet, literally.

"It's that magic Hebrew board game all over again," Xander said with a sigh.

"That wasn't a Hebrew board game!" Willow said firmly, her voice sounding like satin and smoke and her body looking like sin given human form. "Regardless of what you think the name sounded like we both agreed that was a hallucination."

"Um, why aren't we panicking?" Buffy asked.

"Over the game or the naked?" Willow replied.

"Both."

"We've played a magic board game before, or at least hallucinated we did," Xander replied, "and after everything we've seen in the last year, being dropped into a forest, as characters we drew up, isn't all that freaky."

"And the naked? And the me thinking this is way freaky even compared to Giles having demonic orgies and not being all that upset?" Buffy asked.

"These aren't our real bodies," Willow said with a shrug, "do you really think I look this good naked in real life?"

Xander and Buffy turned to Willow and examined her naked form. "Yes."

"Really?"

"Pretty much," Buffy assured her.

"Oh yeah," Xander agreed, before spinning around to try and hide his reaction.

"You've both seen me naked?" Willow exclaimed.

"Accidentally got an eye full while coming to visit you," Xander explained.

"Girls locker room," Buffy reminded her, "you look like an older you, airbrushed a bit to remove freckles and such, you're still you … just more you."

"I liked those freckles," Xander muttered, still keeping his back to them.

"Okay, the game is keeping us calm then," Willow declared since she hadn't passed out and was merely as red as her hair.

"So, what do we do now?" Buffy asked.

"Fashion clothes and weapons so we can find better dressed people to rob," Xander replied easily, pulling up handfuls of the long native grass and showing unusual dexterity from his massive four fingered hands as he began to weave a kilt from it.

Buffy and Willow tried to imitate him with Buffy actually managing a fair attempt, Willow having too hard a time concentrating since her mind and eyes kept wandering toward Xander's new form.

Xander showed Buffy what she was doing wrong and they each managed a long shirt, Xander handing his to Willow, it clearly being her size.

"Without your holy symbol you can't cast spells, and without an instrument I'm in the same spot," Willow sighed, now that they were semi-decent again.

"Actually I wrote down voice for instrument," Xander said, "it fit the character I was thinking of. Instruments can enhance the effect, but your voice alone works magic."

"So we just need a holy symbol for Buffy and we're in business then," Willow said cheerfully.

"I don't suppose they have a create underwear spell do they? Because this shirt is seriously chafing my nipples," Buffy said.

"Look for some flowers with large soft petals and I'll take care of it," Xander promised.

"My nipples thank you," Buffy said while looking around the clearing.

"Why aren't my nipples chafing?" Willow asked.

"Because I used a tighter weave and softer grasses," Xander said.

"So the reason for my sore nipples is my own clumsiness?"

"Actually you did pretty well, we gave you the nimble fingers advantage so you'd learn things like that easily, but as a druid when I weave the plants work with me."

"So you cheated to keep Willow's nipples safe!" Buffy declared.

"And as soon as we spot the appropriate flowers I'll be able to make the world safe for your nipples as well."

"How about those?" Willow asked, pointing out a small patch of blue bell-like blossoms.

"Perfect!" Xander said, plucking a couple of blossoms before chanting, "Chafe no more, Buffy's nipples are sore, with a kiss of blue softness imbue."

Buffy and Willow froze before shifting a bit.

"Okay, that felt like someone kissed my nipples, but the shirt feels really soft now," Buffy said.

"Probably because I was thinking about your sore nipples and the old kiss it and make it better deal when I cast the spell," Xander admitted, not mentioning the feedback he got from the spell.

"Well my nipples thank you, now we just need footwear."

"Thankfully as you both are human sized the majority of things we run across will fit you," Xander said.

"My feet are pretty small," Buffy pointed out.

"The gods of D&D cast forth their powers and said; there shall be no masses of unworn gear, one size fits all actually will," Willow said with a grin.

"Cool!" Buffy beamed. "Anyone know why I'm getting a tingling feeling coming from that direction?" she asked, pointing into the forest.

Xander and Willow exchanged glances and shrugged.

"Either great evil or good, the gods guide clerics to where they want them, so it's either a menace we must face or a temple that will equip us, either way means proper clothes and weapons," Willow explained.

"So is it a good tingle or a bad one?" Xander asked.

"It's a good tingle, but not a happy one," Buffy quickly answered.

"Does that mean good or evil?" Xander asked confused.

Willow shook her head, unable to believe Xander completely missed what Buffy was talking about. "Going in that direction is the will of the gods, but whether good or bad we'll know when we arrive."

They started walking when Willow winced. "I forgot I have a one point disability; soft skin – it means I can't walk around barefoot or wear rough clothes."

The three stopped.

"Then how can you wear the shirt Xander wove?" Buffy asked.

"Magic," Xander explained. "I wove it with her in mind and imbued it with certain properties. It won't last more than a day or so, but while it lasts it'll be as comfortable as cotton."

"I don't suppose you can do shoes?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Not as easily as shirts and it'd take a couple of days and tools we don't have," Xander replied.

"You can make shoes?"

"A druid can make whatever he needs to make living in the wilds both comfortable and pleasant from local materials," Xander explained, "unfortunately that takes time, both to make the items and to make the tools to make the items."

"How insistent is your tingling?" Willow asked Buffy.

"Not very."

"Then we probably have enough time to kit ourselves out with whatever essentials Xander can make," Willow suggested.

Xander swept Willow off her feet and started walking, "Then the first thing we have to do is find some shelter."

Buffy smiled as she watched Willow cuddle into Xander's chest. Apparently tricking Xander into peeping on Willow had done the trick, why Xander had barely even looked at Buffy when she was naked.

Buffy frowned. She had finally gotten the height and breast size she should have gotten from her mom, not to mention the hair color, and Xander had barely noticed. She comforted herself with the thought that her plan to get Xander and Willow together was working and a promise to stick a stake where the sun don't shine if Angel failed to appreciate her new upgrades.

"Let's see what the locals say." Xander whistled softly and a small brown bird swooped down to perch itself on one of his horns and sang to him, after a minute or two the bird flew off; occasionally circling back to make sure Xander was still following as it led them to a cave.

"What's that smell?" Buffy asked, covering her nose.

"Goblins," Xander growled.

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**

**AN2: Original Adventurers and Adversaries game design by Rockbane!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Deuce**

"Like David Bowie?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Shhh!" Xander hissed, "we don't want to be caught without weapons."

"Goblins are small evil little creatures with warty froglike skin," Willow explained quietly, "they befoul whatever area they're in and love to torture, kill and eat anything weaker than themselves, not necessarily in that order."

"Bring on the muppets," Buffy whispered fiercely, "but first, get me a big rock."

"I can probably make you a stone headed hammer without too much trouble," Xander offered as they snuck off, not making a sound until they'd been walking for at least a quarter of an hour.

"That'd be great," Buffy said brightly, "because for some reason my palms are itching for a hammer."

"Xander?" Willow asked.

"I put hammer as her weapon of choice. Clubs are simpler to make and easier to find, but dwarven warhammer's have abilities and bonuses that are damn hard to beat." Xander set Willow down on the bank of a river and waded into the water. "For now you'll have to settle for a water polished rock on a stick."

Buffy took a seat on a boulder beside Willow. "Is it hard to find dwarven warhammers?"

"Most city's will have a weaponsmith or two that'll have a couple lying around," Xander responded. "Swords are easy to find everywhere, so I made sure you had at least one rank in it, but you'll always prefer hammers, being unnaturally skilled in them."

"Unnaturally skilled?" Buffy asked.

"Being a cleric there are certain restrictions to what you can wear and still cast clerical spells, so I added some additional limitations in armor use; putting the extra points into Dodge, Tumble and Ricochet," he replied as he picked up and examined different rocks.

"Ricochet?"

"He made you into Captain America," Willow guessed, "you can do flips and rolls to avoid getting hit and can throw your hammer with every expectation of getting it to bounce back to your hand."

"You'd actually need a hammer of returning for that," Xander said as he set a rock the size of his fist on the shore. "She can nail an opponent and use the reflected momentum to smack another close enemy and I had to limit her to studded leather armor to get that. I had planned on using my startup money to get her a ring of regeneration, since I don't need much equipment, to make up for it."

"Works for me," Buffy said agreeably, "so, what else do I have?"

"You know a lot about gnomes," Willow offered, "I had to give you a lot of proficiencies based around gnomish tinkerers so you would know enough about alchemy to make flash and smoke pellets."

"Cool, not real useful until we get to a city, but cool all the same," Buffy said as she suddenly remembered her skills in that area. "How about you two?"

"I gave Xander skills in ancient languages, runes, history etc," Willow said, "he's a regular Indiana Jones."

"And I made Willow a spell researcher, meaning she can read and write magic like it's her native language and develop her own spells," Xander said.

"Not quite that easily, but not far off," Willow admitted.

"Xander, look out!" Buffy yelled, and only Willow's grip stopped her from jumping into the water after him.

Xander spun around and found himself facing a naiad who resembled Willow for some reason. He could tell she was a naiad because of the way he could only see the top half of her body, tastefully clothed with a touch of seaweed to show off her breasts, while the lower half of her body faded into invisibility in the water. Almost against his will he couldn't help but say, "Why granny, what large breasts you have."

"Xander!" Willow and Buffy chorused.

The naiad froze for a second and then checked her reflection in the water. "I don't look that old … do I?" she asked worriedly.

"No, you look fine," Xander promised her, "I was using a line from a story, paraphrased a bit."

"A story?" the water nymph asked curiously.

Xander ignored Buffy and Willow's cries to get out of the water and proceeded to tell her the story of Little Red Riding Hood, complete with voices.

The naiad laughed like the tinkling of bells as Xander finished the story, "That was a good tale even if I'd have preferred the wolf winning instead of that awful woodcutter."

"Well it all depends on the type of woodcutter doesn't it?" Xander asked, "if he's a wise woodcutter he only cuts and takes away deadwood to make room for new growth and help prevent fires."

"Usually the elves handle things like that for the forests they lair in, and they'd get more than a little turbulent at being described as woodcutters."

"We can always change the woodcutter to a ranger then, and we should probably change the wolf to a wolfwere to make it more accurate."

"Now that is a brilliant story," the naiad said, "so from the comment on my breasts you were in fact admiring them and suggesting they were a lure to trap you?"

"Well they are large and a very nice shade of blue," Xander said, "and I've heard stories of naiads dragging off attractive young men to have their way with them."

The naiad laughed, "That is true, but I'm afraid my tastes run more toward elves than minotaurs, even ones with such exceptional attributes."

Xander jumped as if goosed and blushed.

"No, I was just curious as to what you were doing."

"Ah, well I'm trying to make my friend a hammer so she can help me clear out a goblin nest we found."

"You're planning on getting rid of the goblins?" she asked hopefully.

"Yep," Xander said agreeably, "goblins make a complete mess of any area they're in so we're planning on getting rid of them but a miscast teleport dropped us here without weapons or even clothes, so I'm trying to improvise."

"If it'll get rid of the goblins I'll be glad to help," the naiad offered, "they keep befouling sections of my river and it takes me all day to get it clean again."

"I don't suppose you have any hammers or footwear?" Xander asked hopefully.

"I've collected a lot of things people have left in my river," the naiad offered, "would you like to look at them?"

"Sure," Xander replied, "lead the way."

The naiad pulled Xander under the water as he quickly cast Water Breathing on himself as the river blurred around them. She sped them to her home in a deep pool at a bend in the river some miles away.

The river's currents had carved a cave under the water, probably at her urging and she pulled him into it as if he was no more than a leaf.

The cave opened up into a marvelous grotto, filled with air and piles of items lit by glowing fungi on the walls.

Xander took a deep breath and blew water out of his gills, ending the spell early, so he could climb out of the water and look around. "This is a very nice place you have here."

"Thank you," she said, pulling herself atop a bed of reeds that floated atop the water.

Xander knew nature spirits could be somewhat fickle, so he quickly searched for the bare minimum they needed, finding a hammer, a sword, and two pairs of boots that seemed completely undamaged by the humid climate in the cave." I think these should feel our needs nicely."

"I'm glad I could help," the naiad said, "and speaking of filling needs..."

"Ummm, I thought I wasn't your type?" Xander asked nervously, not wanting to end up trapped down here.

"I'm a bit tired of fish and I thought I could try a little beef for a change," she said with a leer and a pointed look at his waist.

"I thought you liked male elves?"

"Silly, there's no such thing as male elves. Can't I play with it a bit?"

Xander almost groaned as "it" began to rise, like it wanted to peek out of his kilt and see who was talking about it. "We are in kind of a rush,"

"I don't plan on keeping you long, just an extra half hour or so?" she asked with a hopeful look.

Xander blinked. "Well I suppose I can stay for a little while..."

0oOo0

Willow quickly sang, "A journey for a young man so plucky, let's hope he gets really lucky!" as Xander got drug under the water.

"Should we be panicking?" Buffy asked, "and what was that you just sung?"

"I think she's just taking him to her lair, so he can look through her things. He should be fine, but just in case I cast a spell to make sure he has luck on his side," Willow replied, "it's not much, just nudges probability a bit – but that can really help on the reaction tables."

"Oh, ok..." Buffy said, "so tell me about how all this works since we probably have a while to wait depending on how far she lives from here."

"Oh, well the ones to watch out for are the ones who have any resemblance to frogs. They are evil and must be killed immediately! For instance lizardmen are like lizards, but they also have a similar coloration to what you'll see in toads which are frog's evil cousins and not to be trusted..."

0oOo0

Xander surfaced, not bothering with the water breathing spell this time and waded toward the shore where Willow had been explaining about some of the more common monsters.

"Xander!" Willow called out in relief, "I'm glad you're okay, I was getting worried."

"Relax sister," the naiad said, rising up from the water, "I know he is yours and I do not poach." With a wave she slipped beneath the waters and vanished.

"Sister?" Buffy asked curiously.

Willow shrugged. "No idea but she did look a lot like me."

Xander handed the weapons and boots to the girls. Willow emptied the water from the boots and set them to dry while Buffy cooed over the shiny silver warhammer like it was a puppy, despite the fact that it looked like a prop from the latest Thor movie.

"So, what took so long?" Willow asked curiously as she pulled the sword from its sheath and examined it; a thick three foot long blade with a line of shimmering runes down the center of it.

"I had to commune with nature to restore my spells," Xander said, realizing as he said it that his spells were recharged and wondering exactly what Willow had written on his sheet that he'd missed.

"I'm going to call you Major," Buffy said, talking to the warhammer.

"According to the elven runes this sword is named Bright Berries," Willow said.

"And what your name be sweet thing?" the sword asked in a deep baritone, shocking everyone.

"Willow," she offered confoundedly.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl," the sword purred, "and such long and graceful fingers too..."

"A talking sword?" Buffy asked.

"I don't just talk honey, I sing!" the sword declared before bursting into song, "I'm gonna make love to ya woman, lay you down by the fire, caress your heavenly body, make you moan and perspire!"

Willow quickly sheathed the sword and everyone just sat there in silence for a minute.

"I hope he's not going to claim to be a lover not a fighter," Buffy said.

"How..." Willow began, but trailed off as they all looked at the pommel of the sword.

"How… phallic," Buffy muttered.

"Elves, go figure," Xander said.

"I'm not drawing him unless I have to," Willow said red-faced. "I need gloves..."

"Okay, change of topic!" Buffy declared brightly, "More info on goblins and some plans would be nice."

"Goblins like to coat their blades in dung, so any wounds you get will be infected..." Willow explained, glad to talk about something else.

"Dirty tricks, traps, and overwhelming foes with large numbers are all they have going for them," Xander added, "since I can regenerate, I'll play tank and draw their fire while you two mop up everything I miss and guard my back."

"Are they nocturnal?" Buffy asked.

"No, but they tend to nap in the middle of the day because dawn and dusk are their favorite times to ambush people," Willow explained.

"So attack now or at night?"

"Now," Xander said, "you really don't want them to find you sleeping or have time to plan an ambush."

"Take out the goblins, rescue the prisoners, raid the lair, and camp for the night," Willow said, "standard plan for dealing with goblins."

"Prisoners?" Buffy asked, wondering what she'd missed.

"They always have prisoners," Willow replied, "in a goblin camp we generally have a thief or assassin sneak around to free them before we attack, but it's almost impossible to do that in caves, so we have to ignore the prisoners or the goblins will slaughter them to make us angry, so we'll rush in and they can trap us."

"The prisoners should be our first priority," Buffy said firmly.

"In real life, yeah," Willow admitted, "but remember this is a game."

"How do we win?"

"Survive to the end of the game and accomplish all the objectives," Willow replied, "in our case we have to find the Scepter of Endings, of course to do that we have to search every keep and tower on the board and that means a lot of fighting. To survive we're going to have to be strong and smart."

"I put … put three towers and five keeps on the board," Buffy admitted with a wince.

"Good, that means more experience and treasure are available, if we find an amulet of ESP or something similar we'll be able to find the scepter a lot easier," Xander replied.

"And enough XP means we can get powerful enough to cast spells that'll have the same effects," Willow added.

"You guys aren't mad?" Buffy asked.

"You had no way of knowing," Xander pointed out.

"And we both swore never to get mad at a friend because of a magic … err hallucination of a game," Willow said.

Buffy opened her mouth, but Xander shook his head, letting her know not to ask.

"You're our friend, we love you," Willow said, resolve face firmly in place.

"And that covers the beating ourselves up portion of the day," Xander said resolutely, "now we go to the beating up goblins portion; try on the boots and let's get to steppin'."

Buffy waved for Willow to choose first, a little teary eyed from Willow's declaration.

Willow slipped on a pair of greenish brown boots that looked and felt like they were made of suede, before handing Buffy a pair of black boots that were made from something with scales.

Buffy slipped on the boots and took a few steps to see how they felt while Willow did the same.

"Anything?" Xander asked.

"Boots of Elvenkind," Willow replied, "I'm walking through grass and leaves with no crackle or trace."

"How can I tell what they are and is everything magical?" Buffy asked.

"Just tell us how they feel and we can probably tell you what they are," Xander answered, "and not everything is magical, but anything non magical and non-waterproof would have rotted or rusted away in a naiad's lair."

"Makes sense," Buffy agreed, "well I'm feeling a bounce in my step and very light on my feet, but you can hear me walking and see footprints behind me."

"Try running and jumping," Willow suggested.

Buffy bent her knees and leapt ten feet in the air, doing a double somersault before landing. "Whoa..."

"Try running," Xander reminded her and Buffy took off like a cheetah off for her morning jog.

"Boots of Striding and Leaping," Willow decided.

"Magical footwear," Buffy enthused, "I am so loving this game."

Xander lead the way back towards the cave. "Willow I put all of your rogue skills in find and remove traps, pick locks, and spider climb, so keep an eye out."

"No hide in shadows or backstab?" Willow asked, disappointment coloring her tone.

"Nope, this game you are practically the opposite of an assassin, you are loud, proud and straightforward as befits a bard of celestial descent."

"What kind of celestial am I descended from?" Willow asked.

"I didn't check, I just switched it from infernal to celestial."

Willow laughed.

"What?" Buffy and Xander chorused.

"I was going to play an assassin who was part succubus, to make it easier to get close to my targets, so you have just changed me into a part celestial succubus, which no doubt would have caused some disturbance upstairs and led to me being bound with these bangles."

"Actually there's no part about it, you are a full celestial," Xander explained, "I got the idea from an anime I saw. You are bound to a more human power level, but you got major bonuses in your saving throws and skill points, not to mention your stats."

"So we get the bangles off and Willow can smite people?" Buffy asked.

Xander and Willow laughed.

"What?"

"The bracelets are pretty much a permanent addition," Willow explained, "Xander was allowing me a little bit of munchkindom by the way he made my character; see the stats and bonuses I have would have cost a lot more if I was a normal character but by making me a powerful bound character I get them as a side effect with the binding making up for the points my race costs. To get these off would require a major quest, something every bit as difficult as us getting the scepter."

"In that case, may I say they look very nice?" Buffy said, "simple silver bangles go with everything!"

The three shared a laugh before falling silent as they got ready for battle.

"I'll scout for traps," Willow said, "and if I see any goblins I'll fall back behind you, but remember not to let them draw you further down the tunnel than I've scouted."

"I remember the Hall of the Goblin Lord," Xander promised, "won't make that mistake again."

"Just reminding you and making sure Buffy knows what they'll pull."

"Darla pulled that one before, I'll hang back and let Xander be manly," Buffy swore.

"Good, your job is to backup Willow and keep an eye on the rear," Xander said, "I can heal nearly anything since I regenerate which means we have to keep you two from getting hurt."

"Isn't that what you try to do in real life when I'm the one with the super healing?" Buffy teased.

"Are you suggesting I'm bullheaded?" Xander asked, causing the girls to snicker.

"Okay, we're almost there, game faces everyone," Willow ordered placing a hand on the sword's hilt and trying to ignore how it felt.

Xander rolled his head and loosened his shoulders before following Willow as she quietly slid through the bushes ahead.

Buffy was trying her best to move as quietly as her two friends, but felt as clumsy as an ox next to, Willow wearing boots of elvenkind and Xander using a druid's natural ability to pass without trace. She briefly wondered if they ever felt this way when they patrolled the cemeteries with her.

Willow tapped Xander's arm and held up two fingers signaling positions, before drawing her thumb across her throat and waving him ahead of her.

Xander nodded and took the lead, circling through the brush until he was in the right spot; his hands darted forward as he grabbed a pair of goblins and drug them into the bush, before using the strength of his hybrid form to snap their necks.

Willow and Xander searched both corpses, coming up with little more than a pair of pouches holding a few coppers.

Buffy looked closely at the dead goblins, thinking they looked something like someone had crossed a chimpanzee with a toad and possibly added a touch of alligator for the teeth. She hefted her hammer with a firmer grip, feeling much better now that she knew what the enemy looked like. She could handle mutant chimps even if they did coat their weapons with poo rather than flinging it.

"That's all the guards they had out," Willow said quietly, "I don't know where they were when we came by earlier."

"Probably found something to torture for lunch," Xander replied, "they aren't exactly big on discipline."

"When we get in the cave we'll wait for a couple of minutes to let our eyes adapt," Willow said.

"One of the advantages of being a were is that I don't have that problem," Xander said, "even those of us who aren't weres of nocturnal animals adapt to darkness pretty quickly, so I'll keep watch while you guys do that."

"Sounds like a plan," Willow agreed.

**AN: Typing by Godogma, who I'm pretty sure is getting carpal tunnel syndrome from all the work I make him do!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Adventures and Adversaries Chapter 3**

Xander's nose wrinkled at the rancid stench that always characterized goblin territory, it was like the nasal equivalent of hatred and decay; the goblins destroyed any area they laired in, because they hated everything including each other.

The three crept forward once Buffy had signaled that her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, Willow stepped in front of Xander and carefully lead the way.

Twenty feet in Willow uncovered a hidden pit trap, the top covered in canvas with a thin layer of dirt to disguise it. The smell of rotting flesh emitting from the pit made her decide not to search it until they'd had a chance to clean it … with fire.

Xander and Buffy followed Willow, amazed at the way she spotted traps in the near total darkness they were walking in.

Trap after trap, pitfalls, snares and tripwires were all found and disabled by Willow, but as the old saying goes the goblins only had to get lucky once and indeed they did, as while Willow was disabling a tripwire, the leather cord the goblins had used was so old and worn that it snapped! Slamming a bunch of armor pieces into the wall and raising such a clamor that it woke all the goblins, including the two that were supposed to be on watch.

Realizing the element of surprise was gone the three rushed into the main cavern with Willow ducking behind Xander's massive frame as he met the goblin's charge.

Half awake and barely dressed or armed; standard for goblins really, half a dozen goblins rushed Xander screaming loudly.

Xander's first blow hit one of the lead goblins so hard it bowled over several of the other goblins behind him, but that didn't stop one of the quicker goblins from slashing his side with a rusty dagger.

The goblins swarmed over Xander like ants on a grasshopper.

0oOo0

Jonathan, Warren, and Andrew entered the Sunnydale high school library and looked around.

"I think they ditched you," Warren noted.

"They probably just went to get refreshments," Andrew said hopefully.

"Or the bathroom," Jonathan said as he saw the board had already been setup.

"Adventures and Adversaries," Warren read off the box. "Looks like classic D&D," he said with approval.

Jonathan picked up the DM's manual and began to read through it, quickly becoming engrossed.

"Ummm... Guys," Andrew said as he watched the three silver figures on the board.

"Yeah?" Warren asked, glancing up from the player's handbook.

"The pieces are moving by themselves!" Andrew said in awe.

Warren looked over and saw the minotaur figure roar and swing an arm like it was hitting something. "Animatronics?"

"Not quite," Jonathan said his voice seeming to come from all four corners of the room.

Warren and Andrew's heads snapped up and stared at Jonathan; his eyes looked like portals into the night sky with stars scattered about in them.

"Reveal," Jonathan ordered and the air above the board rippled and tore, showing the Scoobs battling a goblin horde.

Xander had a goblin by the leg and was using him as a club, as he fought his way forward with Buffy and Willow following behind and finishing off the stunned goblins.

"Holy shit!" Warren exclaimed.

"They're in the game!" Andrew squealed, snatching the Player's Guide from Warren.

"What are you doing?" Warren demanded.

"Making a character!" Andrew replied.

"And you're not freaked out by this?"

"By a chance to actually be in the game?" Andrew looked at him like he was nuts.

"How about Jonathan's eyes?"

"The DM is god in these games; he's just getting in character," Andrew replied firmly. "Look this is probably the only chance we'll ever have to do this, no player worth his dice would pass this up!"

Warren looked stunned for a moment at having his alpha geek status being challenged by Andrew of all people, before he rose to the occasion, "Pass me the handbook when you're done."

0oOo0

"Hostages?" Buffy asked as they searched the cavern.

"Looks like they ate the last one earlier," Willow replied, looking at the cooking spit.

"Too bad, they would have been an excellent source of information on the local area," Xander said, as he drug another two goblin corpses off to dispose of.

"Is this the wrong time to mention I'm hungry?" Buffy asked.

"A bit squicky as far as timing goes," Willow admitted, "but not a bad idea, I could do with some food as well."

Xander paused as he searched a couple of corpses. "You're a cleric, cast Create Food and Drink."

"I don't have a holy symbol," Buffy reminded him.

"Use your hammer as a holy symbol," Xander suggested.

"Would that work?" Buffy asked.

"Some dwarven sects use the hammer as a holy symbol," Willow recalled.

"I'll have to disallow that," Jonno's voice boomed, "there's a big difference between a blessed and venerated symbol of creation and a weapon, regardless of the common shape."

"Jonno?" Xander and Willow chorused.

"The GM if you please," he corrected them.

"Can you get us out of this?" Buffy quickly called out.

"You know what you have to do already," he replied.

"Is there any help you can give us?" Willow asked.

"As much as any GM," Jonathan assured her.

"What does that mean?" Buffy asked.

"It means he'll play fair," Xander replied with a chuckle. "How about our start up gear?"

"I'll let you choose it after you've gone through what you've gotten from the goblins," his voice boomed again, "that should make up for starting off naked."

"Cool," Xander replied and went back to looting corpses and disposing of the bodies.

"I don't suppose I could use my actual stats rather than the ones I rolled?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Play em as they lay," Jonno replied.

"Damn!"

"Anything important we need to know?" Willow asked.

"I normally punish alignment infractions harshly; but the game adjusts you to your alignments until play ends, so that warning can be skipped."

"Xander!" Willow yelled, causing him to come running.

"What's wrong?" Xander asked, looking at her worriedly.

"Please tell me you changed my alignment from Chaotic Evil?" she begged.

"Relax Wills, I made you Chaotic Neutral."

"Thank god!" she said, hugging him tightly. "And yet another reason I was cast down."

"What's the whole alignment deal?" Buffy asked.

"Good and evil are pretty self-explanatory," Xander said, "but we also have chaotic and lawful, lawful evil for instance would try and twist the laws but obey them. While Chaotic Good would ignore the laws if they felt they were evil."

"So, Chaotic Neutral?" Buffy asked.

"Might save your life, might steal your bike," Willow replied giggling, "as a member of the party you're safe from bike stealing because only idiots would work against their own party."

"What am I?" Buffy asked.

"Chaotic Good," Xander replied, "what's right is right regardless of law."

"Works for me," Buffy nodded.

"So what did you put for me?" Xander asked.

"Neutral Evil," Willow admitted sheepishly.

Xander chuckled.

"You're evil?" Buffy exclaimed.

"Neutral evil Buff, in this case it means I'm selfish and I can take or leave laws depending on how much of a pain in the ass they are. Not the best alignment for my usual self, but it's not going to make me kick kittens for shits and giggles either."

"I guess that works," Buffy said thoughtfully.

"Okay," Xander said, "let's finish so we can get geared up."

0oOo0

Giles blinked and looked around as he walked, his field of view was enormous! After a moment or two he realized he was walking on four legs and someone was leading him; he was a horse!

"Elven ranger with 19 dex but can't ride a horse," Warren said, shaking his head.

"I forgot and used the points on a different proficiency," Andrew admitted, "and I don't see your human fighter/thief riding either."

"I used mine on air based riding," Warren replied. "I can ride a horse in the real world, but here I can ride a flying animal!"

"You make a very compelling argument; I'll get lessons when I raise level," Andrew replied.

"First order of business we hit a dungeon," Warren said, "I bought maps of all the best places for low level characters so we can clean up."

"What about the Scepter of Endings?"

"Let them find it; we got three goals, gold – ale – women."

"I'm not sure ..."

"Elvish women and with the right amount of gold and a polymorph spell equals catgirls!"

"Let's go!"

0oOo0

"All I need now is a holy symbol," Buffy said, "I don't suppose I can use some of my starting money for bra and panties?"

"Sorry, those are modern inventions," Jonno replied.

"Great I can create food and drink with a snap of my fingers but I can't get decent underwear to save my life," Buffy complained, "I wish I could create underwear with a snap of my fingers."

"Granted!" Jonno's voice boomed.

"What?" the three chorused.

"Buffy made a wish," Jonno explained, "I was just letting her know it was granted."

"How'd she get a wish?" Willow asked curiously.

"The dagger she found on one of the goblin's was a luck blade," Jonathan replied, "she used its last wish."

"What did you wish for?" Xander asked.

"To be able to create underwear with a snap of my fingers," Buffy admitted with a groan.

"Cool," Xander said, "I could use boxers when you get around to it."

"Bra and panties here," Willow added.

"But I could have wished us home!" Buffy whined.

"Game wishes aren't that powerful," Willow explained, "a minor gift or magical item is a good use for them."

"GM's are notorious for making people pay for greedy wishes," Xander chuckled, "better a wish used for something useful than to have it hanging around like an unexploded landmine just waiting for the wrong words to trigger it."

"Just to be sure," Willow muttered, "I wish to know how to get these bangles off."

They waited but nothing happened.

"Good," Willow said, "just imagine accidentally singing the Oscar Meyer Wiener song, 'I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener, ZAP!"

"Yeah, that'd suck," Buffy admitted.

"I wish I had a full set of horseshoes," Xander said and waited for a moment before continuing, "imagine saying I wish you'd shut up and how many ways that could go wrong since the guiding force on the wish is your anger."

"Suddenly I'm very happy with my wish!" Buffy declared and snapped her fingers before cooing over the black thong and half cup bra that appeared.

"Me next!" Willow begged.

Buffy snapped her fingers and a crimson set appeared.

Willow frowned as she wiggled and pulled but couldn't get them to fit comfortably, "They don't fit!"

Buffy tried again.

Willow adjusted the new set and sighed. "Still no luck."

"GM guy?" Buffy asked.

"You have to know her measurements," he explained, "it magically creates underwear, it doesn't magically size them, because your concept of underwear is from the real world and not bound by local rules."

"What are your sizes?" Buffy asked.

"No idea," Willow shrugged, "different body here."

"Oh yeah, I'm gonna have to check by hand."

Xander tried to pretend he wasn't watching.

Buffy stepped behind the naked Willow and wrapped her arms around her, hefting the redhead's breasts and bouncing them in her hands.

Willow moaned, "Careful; those things are more sensitive than my normal set."

"Sorry but your skin is like butter," Buffy said and stopped playing with Willow's breasts.

There was a slapping sound as Xander's grass kilt split and fell to the ground, not designed to withstand the pressure it had been under; he quickly turned and walked away naked once more.

"Hate to see him go," Buffy began absently.

"But I love to watch him leave," Willow murmured, completing the statement.

0oOo0

"Do you need some time alone or can we talk about your choices for a bane and allergy?"

"What's wrong with my choices?" Xander asked.

"Volcanic rock is a bit too wide a category, and why do you have a silver allergy at all?"

"I put down a mild silver allergy because I thought it was required of all shifters."

"Okay, I can see the point behind that – you have two points of Merits to spend and need to narrow down your bane a bit," Jon replied.

"Obsidian then," Xander decided, "less used than silver but used enough to still be a threat."

"That works."

"I've got an idea for using those Merit points and since I doubt we'll find anything for me among the goblins we should discuss equipment as well."

0oOo0

Andrew cursed and hurriedly strung his bow while Warren drew his sword and waited for the bullywugs to come to him, using his buckler to deflect any spears thrown his way.

Keeping a close eye and sidestepping the occasional spear, Giles nibbled on a bush and waited for the two young men to get their acts together and kill the jumped up frogs.

"Got it!" Andrew announced and had three arrows in the air before he took another breath.

Seeing they wouldn't be able to take down the travelers at a distance, while the reverse might be true, the five uninjured bullywugs rushed forward, leaving the dead one Andrew had turned into a pincushion behind.

Warren found he had his hands full as he had to use both sword and shield to deflect the attacks of the two that had targeted him.

Andrew had dropped one bullywug before they were too close for bow range and he had to draw his short sword.

The final bullywug had circled around and gone for the horse, as it had the most meat and carried their supplies.

Giles waited next to a tree, pretending not to see the frog man until it thrust at his neck with its spear. Giles moved his head just enough to let the spear by so it thunked into the tree, not giving it a chance to pull its spear free Giles reared up and brought his front hooves down crushing its skull.

Warren managed to fend off both bullywugs before one made the mistake of trying to circle around behind him which allowed him the half a second he needed to put some of his strength behind a blow and cut through its spear, beheading it and its wielder in a single strike.

Andrew fought desperately, having planned on taking down everything at a distance he'd only taken basic proficiency in blades. Fortunately Giles had seen what trouble he was in and mule kicked the bullywug from behind, breaking the majority of its bones and killing it.

Warren easily batted aside the final bullywug's spear with his buckler and gutted it.

As the three stood panting Giles began to glow, his muscles gaining further definition and his mane a silky shine.

"What was that?" Warren asked.

"He leveled up," Jon's voice echoed around them.

"Andrew's horse leveled up before we did?"

"It doesn't take a lot of XP to level up a horse," Jon replied.

"How about us?" Andrew asked.

"Already half way to leveling."

"Cool!" The two beamed and started collecting loot.

0oOo0

"He's going to need a leather kilt," Willow said, "possibly chain mail."

"And underwear," Buffy chimed brightly, "I should measure him."

Willow grabbed Buffy by the back of her bra strap, "You weren't planning on measuring him without me, were you?"

"Well not now," Buffy admitted, "just once or twice a week, and maybe when I'm feeling really tense."

"Any measuring of Xander to be done will be done with me there," Willow said firmly.

Xander entered the main cave where the girls were, wearing a heavy leather and bronze kilt. "Cancel the boxers," he said, "I've got it covered."

Buffy pouted.

**AN:Typing by Godogma.**


End file.
